Added: Ladarian Bou - Date: 22.01.2022 22:55 - Views: 44807 - Clicks: 4815
I feel for you.
Borderline Personality Disorder is no joking matter. Too many articles like this one exist on the internet that demonize BPD. But, I tend to disagree with the majority of advice you find on the internet. At the end of the day, relationships are meant to improve your life and help you grow as a person. This is why the first rule that I give to my readers is to remove the BPD label completely. This is a major shift in your mental state.
Just because your man has BPD does not give him a reason to hurt you. Before we get into the 5 common BPD issues, I first want to quickly talk about how the past influences behavior. Not just for the Borderline you have feelings for, but for all of us.
Who we are today is a direct result of our upbringing.
Maybe he has more issues with trust. Controlling your emotions is another extremely difficult task as well because all these negative experiences growing up has festered over the years into some deep darkness.
These are what you focus on moving forward. One of the most important lessons I learned when it comes to leadership is that you prioritize tasks. What this means is that you do not spread yourself thin. In a business, this is crucial because the more tasks you try to accomplish, the more spread out your resources become. This le to inefficient work flow, lack of communication with team members and those on the front lines, mediocre products instead of high quality ones, and overall a loss in revenue.
When it comes to your relationship, you need to prioritize these symptoms. Which symptom is it that you believe to be the one that needs the most work? The one that you want the most answers for? Choose which issue is most important and go from there. People and their relationships usually have some sort of pattern. If you look at your own relationship history, you will probably notice a pattern of dating the same type of men.
As I always say, you attract what you project. In other words, you will always end up dating someone who shares a similar belief system and mentality as you. On the surface, you might both be leading different lives. But on the inside, you both have similar insecurities and mindsets and what not — at least, this is what you are lead to believe. You see, people who are insecure and have self-esteem issues like to wear a mask.
When he met you. He might appear to be charming, dashing and have dozens of women chasing him. But when that masks comes off, you experience who he really is. This is why I often advise men and women with Codependency issues to steer clear of the Honeymoon Period. This happens with both Borderline men and women. The first person is the weak, Codependent-type. Whenever they receive any sort of criticism or feedback, they take it negatively and either get defensive or shy away.
The next person is the strong, confident, self-assured type. The third type of person is one who goes on the offensive when he receives criticism. Both the defensive man and the offensive man are weak. I recently was helping out a woman on my Relationship Academy forum and she wanted help with a man who kept getting critical and aggressive any time she brought up basic relationship suggestions or questions or advice — anything. Looking into the issue, it was a simple case of her man overreacting and assuming the worst.
But she was also making the mistake of getting defensive and walking on eggshells. She completely overlooked this because he kept attacking her. She took it personally and would become defensive. If your man is always assuming things, then remember to take a step back and look at the argument from an objective point of view. The answer could lie right their on the surface.
Because men with BPD had a rough upbringing, they usually compensate for this by becoming overly controlling. This is often why these types of men end up dating women who are rather weak and Codependent. Perhaps you like to be controlled and told what to do. However, this can become toxic when that man is trying to control parts of your life.
If so, then you have fallen into this victim mentality. The only person responsible for becoming a victim is you and you alone. Refer to point 2 above to gain insights into dealing with these issues from an objective point of view. Many women come to me with situations just like this.
But believe me — this is going to end worse for you than for him. Perhaps you had a parent who was unavailable to you? Only you can figure out this answer. All I can do is guide you to this emotional freedom, which is the purpose of my training programs. People from all walks of life can be compulsive liars. And you know what? When it comes to words, you should always remind yourself that they are weak. I interact with a lot of women.
I carry a strong, alpha-type personality and women just love throwing me jabs. But they know that I love it. Liars eventually get found out. If you know for a fact your man is lying, just leave. Ignore him for a couple of weeks so that he can really feel that sting. If you stick around with a man that you know is lying with you, then you are enabling him to continue this bad behavior. Leave before he can leave you. It sends the strongest message possible because indifference is the opposite of love — not hate.
Remember that ultimately these types of men have their own unique issues that stem back from their own unique upbringing. Guys that have BPD will be all over the place. The more codependent and weaker you are with boundaries, the more likely you are to be abused and taken advantage of. This is why I write these articles. My mission is to help men and women develop strength and unleash their potential. Sounds crazy to hear, but these men act tough and crazy because they want you to put them in their place.
They want you to own them.
The last thing you should be doing is mothering him. Time and time again, I find women becoming the caretaker of these crazy-types of men. It actually makes the relationships worse, however. Take the 5 points I talked about above and see which ones apply most directly to your current situation. Prioritize and tackle one point at a time. I have your program and find it really helpful. He was divorced married 14 years and engaged before me for two years. So, he is not afraid of commitment. He shared that his ex-girlfriend had BPD and the one before that was bipoloar — he seems to have a huge victim mentality an and blames everyone else for everything that happens to him.
He is highly successful and can be charming, generous, chivalrous, kind, loving and loyal but when I say something he does not like? And then go right back to being loving when the argument is over. I struggle with how someone can be so endearing truly with so awful. And I have my moments as well. I am struggling. Thank you for the article. Everyone is different. Thanks for the feed back :.
This is exactly what I deal with with my partner. Does he ever talk about people being good or bad people? They see things black and white, good and bad. No grey. My mission is to train people to develop their inner core and identity, ultimately building your own self-respect to astronomical levels. With high levels of self-respect, you get what you want out of life: Your relationships are different.
People treat you differently. This is the big picture here and I want people to see and understand this. Hi, I am dating a real manipulator. He use the ignore and silent treatment a lot. I know he is a serial dater. He seems extremely and passionately in love when you are with him.
Asks you to write to him the next day. Puts you through a questionaire as if he is evaluating you for his future wife or something. Only to give you the ignore treatment when you doo write him the next day. He has this thing with submission. He always plans half dates… but they never amount to anything. He constantly keeps you in an almost relationship. I never give in to him or show weakness. And constantly ask if i am in love with him. I always say No. I find it Hard to bee patient during the silent treatment periode. And I usually end up braking it off with him. Usually that works.
But this time seems different. He normally re the messages i send him but just dont answer. Dont Even read them. Last time i sag him he sad that i always sound come home to him and sleep, when i have been out… Even if he sad No. That world bedste fine with me.
Cause im not in love with him. I just like the Challenge and ses him as a friends with benefits. But I am a fraid to just show up… Will he humiliate me or doesent he mean it? Thanks for the comment :. Hope you can help me.Dating a man with borderline personality
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Am i dating someone with borderline personality disorder